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Don’t Let a Relationship Break Up - Break You Up

A relationship break up is a very difficult time for everyone involved. We all know people who have gone through it and didn’t act the same for weeks or even months. The relationship break up colored everything they did for a long time.

Some people are so hurt by a relationship break up that they go to one extreme or another. They start having many relationships or even just one night stands. They adopt the attitude that they’re not going to have a long-term boyfriend or girlfriend, and that there’s no point in trying.

People like that might flit from one person to another for a long time because their break up ruined their belief that they can find someone to be happy with. Then there’s the other extreme.

These people take a long time to get over it when a relationship ends. They swear off men (or women) forever and can go months and even years without another relationship. Some people, particularly middle-aged people, never have another relationship in their lifetimes, by choice.

They’re afraid of getting hurt again and unwilling to put themselves back out there, much like the first example. But they don’t feel capable of trusting someone enough to even have a casual relationship.

Both these extremes are sad and unnecessary. If you feel yourself moving in one of those directions you need to stop and take a long, hard look at yourself and your situation. There are healthy ways to deal with a relationship break up. You can come out of it a better person, and a better partner.

It’s a cliché because it’s true—relationships don’t succeed or fail based on one person. It really does take two. So your ended relationship didn’t end entirely because of you or your ex. It’s a shared responsibility. The blame is never completely on one person.

Knowing that, you should really think about what you did to contribute to the end of the relationship. This is a painful thing to do, but it’s necessary if you want to be able to be better in future relationships. What would you do differently if you could go back and change things?

This isn’t meant to get you full of regret and wishing you could get back with your ex to do things differently. But it can help you see the truth of the matter. When you find something you did that contributed to your break up, don’t make it seem worse than it was.

We tend to exaggerate memories so that one little thing you did might blow up in your mind to be the one thing that brought everything down. Don’t let yourself think that way—it’s not all your fault.

Now that you know what you could have done differently, think about what your ex could improve upon, without exaggerating his or her faults either. Now, thanks to this relationship break up, you know the things you can do better next time and have given yourself a better chance of a happier relationship.

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